Honor a Caregiver - Power of 5 Life

How to Truly Honor a Caregiver This November: A Guide for Friends and Family

November is National Family Caregivers Month, a time when we officially recognize the over 53 million Americans who provide unpaid care to their loved ones. They are the backbone of our healthcare system, working around the clock, often sacrificing their own health, careers, and social lives.

As friends and family, our first instinct is usually to offer support. We mean well, but all too often, our offer comes out as, “Let me know if you need anything,” or “Just call me.” While those words are delivered with love, for an overwhelmed caregiver, they can feel like an extra item on an already impossible to-do list. They have to figure out what they need, who to call, and then gather the energy to make the request.

I learned a powerful lesson about this kind of well-meaning but hollow offer several years ago that changed the way I approach helping others forever.

The Lesson That Changed Everything

I was at a book signing for an author who had written about her journey with a brain cancer diagnosis and treatment. At the time, she believed she was in remission. I asked her about the impact her caregivers had on her journey and what lessons she could share.

She spoke beautifully about the kindness she received, but then she shared a gem of truth. She explained that while sympathetic words were nice, the offers of “just call me” often felt hollow. It wasn’t because people didn’t care; it was because they put the burden of organizing the help entirely on her.

What mattered most, she told me, was a very specific, no-negotiation offer.

She gave me examples that still stick with me:

“I will be at your house on Tuesday at 2 p.m. and stay until 7 p.m. I will help you manage your mail, prepare dinner and snacks for your kids, and get them started on their homework.”
“I know you love my Matzah Ball Soup (or Italian Wedding Soup). I’ll stop by at noon on Wednesday with a great big bowl. I’ll join you for lunch, clean up, and place the leftovers in your fridge and freezer.”

There was nothing equivocal about these offers. They were tasks planned, time-stamped, and delivered. The recipient simply had to say yes.

Applying the “Specific Offer” to Caregivers

This lesson applies directly to family caregivers, who are often drowning in a sea of responsibilities. They are so consumed with the logistics of providing care—medications, appointments, cleaning, feeding, paperwork—that they neglect themselves. They often don’t even know what to ask for, and many are plagued by the guilt or shame that comes with admitting they can’t do it all.

Our job as friends and family is to remove the emotional and logistical friction of asking for help. Your offer must be a direct action with specifics, and it’s okay to gently bypass the initial “no” they might instinctively offer.

Instead of saying, “Would you like me to come over sometime?” try this:

“I will arrive at 10 a.m. next Tuesday with my husband. He will entertain your spouse—play cards, read, or watch a movie. I will do all your laundry, and you will go shopping, get a coffee, or otherwise entertain yourself for two hours.”

This is an unambiguous, burden-relieving gift. It handles the two biggest obstacles: covering the care recipient and giving the caregiver clear permission to focus on their own needs.

5 Specific Actions to Offer a Caregiver

Here are five concrete, actionable offers you can make to a family caregiver in your life. Remember to suggest a specific time and date and be ready to follow through.

“Relief Block” Offer (The Gift of Time):

Instead of: “Do you need a break?”
Offer: “I’m free every Friday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. I will come over and sit with your loved one so you can go to the gym, see your doctor, or just nap. Text me if that time works.”

“Done for You” Meal Plan Offer:

Instead of: “Can I bring over dinner sometime?”
Offer: “I’m making a big batch of lasagna on Monday. I’ll drop off half of it, along with a salad kit and some fresh fruit, around 5:30 p.m. You won’t need to lift a finger—it’s all packaged for easy heating.”

Handle Logistics Offer:

Instead of: “How can I help with appointments?”
Offer: “I have a few hours to dedicate to your paperwork. Send me the name of the next doctor’s office you need to call. I’ll take care of scheduling the appointment and putting the details on your calendar.”

Tackle the To-Do List Offer:

Instead of: “Let me know what chores I can do.”
Offer: “I’m coming over on Saturday morning at 9 a.m. I’m going to mow your lawn/rake your leaves and run your dog to the groomer. I don’t need to come inside, just leave the keys/leash out.”

“Self-Care Commandment” Offer:

Instead of: “Take care of yourself.”
Offer: “I just bought you a gift certificate for a one-hour massage at the spa near your home. I’m going to sit with your loved one on Thursday afternoon. Your appointment is already booked for 3 p.m. I’ll text you the confirmation.”